Tantrum Wine Pairings – Rose Hart-Landsberg
"Your spouse arriving home has sensed (i.e. read 18 text messages ALL IN CAPS LOCK) that you needed a little treat. He pours a glass of Sauvignon Blanc and takes a sip. He pops the toddler's loopy straw in the bottle and hands it to you. What a catch."
You used to be a foodie. Now when you add “ie” to the end of words it’s in a singsongy baby voice and it makes you cringe inwardly. But hey, it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Here’s a brief list of drink pairings for foodies turned parents who definitely have given up on adult fun but haven’t admitted it yet.
1 ) Fruit and Riesling
You spent what seemed like ages lovingly chopping up beautiful fresh farmers market fruit for your little angel. He’s growing and evolving every day and as a thoughtful parent it’s your job to make sure he gets the best nutrients and develops a healthy well rounded pallet. However at the moment the little angel does not want fresh fruit. The little angel wants fruit snacks. His volume would suggest he wants them post haste. Most of the lovingly diced fresh fruit has made it to the floor. You open the cupboard, he calms knowing the fruit snack is nigh but what’s this in the corner? An unopened bottle of Riesling that footloose and kid free friend of yours brought over thinking your dinner party last month would last past 9:00 pm (haha.) You know one fruit snack packet will give you at least a few minutes of calm. You open the little plastic package and hand it over to grabbing sticky hands. You dump what’s left of the fresh fruit onto your own plate and pop the cork. You deserve lovingly chopped fresh fruit too, you know. Cheers to being a parent!
2 ) Fish and Sauvignon Blanc
The baby is crying. But only because the toddler is crying. The toddler may or may not be crying because you are as well. You wanted to teach them a valuable lesson about about life, about caring for others and responsibility. You also told the sales lady you very specifically wanted a fish tank heavy enough that a toddler could not pull it off the shelf onto the ground. “Well,” you think, “we can’t always get what we want.” That’s a good life lesson. The screaming toddler seems to have learned it in some sense. You’re a good parent after all. Your spouse arriving home has sensed (i.e. read 18 text messages ALL IN CAPS LOCK) that you needed a little treat. He pours a glass of Sauvignon Blanc and takes a sip. He pops the toddler’s loopy straw in the bottle and hands it to you. What a catch.
3 ) Lamb and Merlot
Finally, tonight, it’s your partner’s turn to do bed time. The high pitched wails muffled only by a toothbrush and punctuated by a dramatic parade of angry staccato toddler stomps float down the staircase as you luxuriously sip a glass of Merlot. You notice your little one’s beloved stuffed lamb on the couch and know bedtime will be rough(er) without it. You use every last ounce of your college softball training to silently lob it up the stairs. You are not without sympathy, but you will not be pulled into the fray. A second, un touched glass of Merlot waits patiently on the coffee table for your partner. They will surely need a sip as well when the battle has been won. You’ve got a bit of work to finish up but bed is calling and you may or may not be awake by then.
4 ) Birthday Cake and Bubbly
You’ve been answering e mails all day and there are so. many. more. A task much easier back when there wasn’t mysterious prehistoric reminiscent crayon drawings of what may be farm animals on your computer screen. You think about that art opening you meant to go to last night and the four – yes four – toddler birthday parties you went to all day instead. You think about champagne and little toothpicks stabbed into fancy cheese. You think about party number three when your little one was already breakdown adjacent and the piece of cake offered did not have the right color frosting. You think about how physically wondrous it is that a person that small can make noises that loud. You worry about waking her up as you slide the leftover cake from all 4 parties jammed together in one glorious frosted plateau out of the refrigerator. Each of your four mommy group friends insisted and each time you did not object. You begin to eat right from the pan in the dull comforting glow of the fridge light but as the sugar courses through your veins you realize something important is missing. The (cow?) on your computer screen glares judgmentally as you slide the hidden bubbly out of the crisper drawer. Happy Birthday to me, you think. You’re not even sure what day it is.
Rose Hart-Landsberg helps produce the Informed Pregnancy Podcast hosted by Dr. Elliot Berlin, DC and serves as managing editor of the new Informed Pregnancy Blog. She also spearheads podcast and blog sponsor partnerships and helps with various related content and copy writing for The Informed Pregnancy Project and Berlin Wellness Group.
In her free time she enjoys editing and writing fiction, makeup artistry, and is currently learning Turkish.