When labor began, I felt that nesting urge surge through me like an electric current. “Honey, I’ll be right back,” I said, “Just need to grab some wood for shelves at Home Depot!” My amazing wife brought me back to reality by grabbing my arm and giving me a look that could stop a freight train. I wasn’t going anywhere.
Dad. It’s a small word packed with so much power and possibility, yet for me, for much of my life, it held a tinge of bittersweet mystery.
My own father passed away suddenly, far too young. He was 48 and I was 19. His absence left a profound void, and though I was blessed with a determined, loving, rock of a mom who filled both parental roles with unwavering strength, that figure of a father wasn’t there during my coming of age.
I could feel his presence strongest when I was missing him the most: holidays, family milestones, moments when his guidance and wisdom were most deeply craved. Yet, there was always a flicker of his spirit, a warmth I could sense during those difficult times.
The road to fatherhood wasn’t exactly smooth sailing. Alyssa and I faced years of infertility struggles, including the gut-wrenching experience of difficulty conceiving followed by early miscarriages. The emotional toll was heavy, and a thick protective wall seemed to build up inside me. I distanced myself from fatherhood emotionally, a way to shield myself from the potential for more pain.
But then, something shifted. As we finally had a pregnancy that passed the second trimester – a milestone that felt almost impossible at times – that wall started to crack. But it wasn’t until a seemingly ordinary trip to the grocery store that it truly crumbled. Standing in the dairy aisle, grabbing some eggs, I noticed the expiration date – after our estimated due date! The reality hit me with a jolt: these eggs might be breakfast that we eat as parents. In that moment, the impending arrival of fatherhood became startlingly real for the very first time.
Then came the most profound experience of my life—the birth of our son. With his arrival came the most intense mix of emotions: boundless joy, a rush of fear, waves of grief, and an overwhelming sense of relief. My spirit roared.
Nesting Gone Wild
We lived in a cozy 900-square-foot apartment in Los Angeles. With the impending arrival, I was determined to optimize the space for our growing family. By that I mostly mean moving things around and building some shelves. I say “building” loosely as my complete tool chest consisted of duct tape and WD-40, and I’m not sure that I even knew how to use them correctly.
Not that it mattered, because our son decided to make his grand entrance two weeks early. When labor began, I felt that nesting urge surge through me like an electric current. “Honey, I’ll be right back,” I said, “Just need to grab some wood for shelves at Home Depot!” My amazing wife brought me back to reality by grabbing my arm and giving me a look that could stop a freight train. I wasn’t going anywhere.
Labor Pains
The labor was long – a 42-hour marathon where Alyssa showed the resilience and determination of an Olympic gold medalist. Platinum really. All this, completely unmedicated, except for 400mg of Advil which I popped every four hours for my pounding headache. In between my feeble attempts at support, I was utterly blown away by my wife’s fortitude, and at the same time felt immense gratitude for our doula’s incredible support, guiding and building up Alyssa in ways I never could have imagined. The entire experience was transformative. I learned so much about Alyssa, about birth, and about myself.
Resources
Some dads feel fatherhood connections and instincts early and clearly. I didn’t. I felt distant during pregnancy and even after our son arrived it took time for me to feel like a dad. During the first year I benefited a lot from reading Armin Brott’s “The New Father: A Dad’s Guide to the First Year.” In retrospect, his other book “The Expectant Father: the Ultimate Guide for Dads-to-be” might have been more helpful at that point.
If my experience resonates, the documentary “Prenatal Memory” might be incredibly meaningful to you as well. The film, by Japanese researcher Dr. Akira Ikegawa, explores the idea that a baby’s experiences in the womb can shape their development and even leave lasting memories. It highlights the power of stimuli like the mother’s voice, music, and emotions in creating an early bond and influencing a child’s life. Understanding this unique connection can inspire expectant parents to engage with their unborn baby more consciously, through talking, singing, and fostering a calm, nurturing environment – all of which has the potential to create a positive impact on both the baby and the parents themselves. For further exploration of the concept of prenatal memory, check out my podcast interview with Dr. Akira Ikegawa (episode 352) or our companion blog post (number 81.)
Conversation: The journey of fatherhood is full of surprises. What was your “AHA!” moment? Share this post and tag a friend who might be going through this journey, or share your own story on social media using #InformedPregnancy.
Yours in health, Dr. B
Dr. Elliot Berlin, DC is an award-winning pregnancy-focused chiropractor and creator of Informed Pregnancy Media which includes his popular long-running The Informed Pregnancy Podcast in addition to a blog and a number of original shows featured on his streaming channel Informed Pregnancy+. Dr. Berlin’s goal is to use his passion for media and entertainment as a means of spreading information and awareness on topics that growing families need to make informed choices about fertility, pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting.
“Last year we birthed a new baby, the Informed Pregnancy+ streaming platform! Just like any proud parent, we’re thrilled to watch this little one grow. Web based, but with apps on Apple, Android and Roku, Informed Pregnancy+ is our way of ensuring that entertaining and educational video content, including a growing library of the most popular documentaries, exercise programs, yoga, meditation, and a variety of courses and workshops, is both affordable and accessible to anyone with an internet connection.”
Hi! I’m Dr. Elliot Berlin; husband, dad, pregnancy-focused chiropractor and founder of Informed Pregnancy Media. Welcome to my new column, Expectations, where I’ll (over)share a more personal glimpse into my life, practice, media and the evolving landscape of pregnancy, birth and postpartum.
It all started In 1974. I was born in Staten Island, New York. Breech. And it wasn’t a C-section. I don’t know if they knew I was breech before I arrived but they didn’t care back then. My kids do a cute impression of me being born; they wiggle into a room bum first. In my own youth I had a deep curiosity for science. After seeing a CPR class and learning that you can use your body to be somebody’s heart and lungs during life threatening emergencies I became fascinated with healthcare. This early interest propelled me into the world of emergency medicine as an EMT at 18 where I loved working in ambulances and emergency rooms. I started college energized for the long journey to and through medical school, however, a personal tragedy – the sudden and unexpected loss of my father, in part due to a medical oversight, shifted my perspective. After college I spent a year soul-searching and exploring the world of alternative and complementary healthcare
After falling in love with the combination of chiropractic and massage, I went to school for both and smooshed them together into a peanut-butter and chocolate of holistic healthcare. I call it ‘Chirossage’; a powerful modality addressing musculoskeletal issues from both the muscular and skeletal perspectives in a single visit. At the same time my wife was completing a joint Masters and Doctoral program in Psychology. During grad school Alyssa and I set out to start a family but found ourselves navigating the turbulent waters of unexplained infertility. The experience was devastating emotionally and financially. It put our relationship to the test. We developed a deep empathy and understanding of the complex emotional and physical journeys many couples face. Today, as proud parents of four remarkable teenagers who came into our lives without the aid of medical technology, our experiences have deepened our commitment to holistic health, underscoring the significance of caring for both the mind and body.
In our Los Angeles practice, every day is a new opportunity to learn and grow. We’ve seen countless stories of strength, resilience, and the incredible power of the human body and spirit. We see it throughout the journey of parenthood from fertility through adolescence. Whether it’s supporting a mother determined to have a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean) against the odds, or witnessing the joy of a couple finally holding their long-awaited child, each experience reinforces our commitment to empowering individuals and families through informed choices and compassionate care.
At Informed Pregnancy Media, we extend the same commitment to our broader community. Our Informed Pregnancy Podcast, currently nearing 400 episodes, offers a wealth of knowledge from a diverse range of real birth stories narrated by the women who experienced them. Among these women, I’m honored to feature celebrity moms who graciously share their own pregnancy and birth stories with us. These, alongside our wider community, highlight both the universality and diversity of the birthing experience
Additionally, the podcast features expert interviews covering a wide spectrum of topics, embracing both mainstream medical and holistic approaches, providing valuable insights for our listeners.
Last year we birthed a new baby, the Informed Pregnancy+ streaming platform! Just like any proud parent, we’re thrilled to watch this little one grow. Web based, but with apps on Apple, Android and Roku, Informed Pregnancy+ is our way of ensuring that entertaining and educational video content, including a growing library of the most popular documentaries, exercise programs, yoga, meditation, and a variety of courses and workshops, is both affordable and accessible to anyone with an internet connection. We’re also producing several new Informed Pregnancy originals; programs that have already started rolling out and will continue throughout the year. Our mission is to provide a space for voices from diverse backgrounds and experiences, and to foster a community that values informed decision-making and mutual support. Come join our family and explore, learn, and grow with us.
If you are still reading, then I have done something right with my re-imagined blog for 2024. Through my column, Expectations, I hope to create a space that reflects our values of continuous learning, empathy, empowerment – and fun! In each column I’ll dive into stories straight from the trenches of our practice, reflect on the roller coaster that is family life, or bring you some engaging conversations with health experts and creators of groundbreaking services. Plus, I’ll be presenting and explaining our newest media offering. Speaking of which, there’s a brand new podcast on the horizon: “One Way or A Mother,” coming your way soon. Stay tuned!
Join me in this journey of discovery and growth in pregnancy, parenting and holistic health. Let’s build a community of empowerment as we learn from each other’s experiences. Don’t forget to follow us on Instagram and YouTube for the latest engaging and interactive content and feel free to reach out anytime with questions, suggestions, feedback, or constructive criticism. We read every message and do our best to respond to them all. Here’s to learning and growing together!
Yours in Health,
Dr. B
Dr. Elliot Berlin, DC is an award-winning pregnancy-focused chiropractor and creator of Informed Pregnancy Media which includes his popular long-running The Informed Pregnancy Podcast in addition to a blog and a number of original shows featured on his streaming channel Informed Pregnancy+. Dr. Berlin’s goal is to use his passion for media and entertainment as a means of spreading information and awareness on topics that growing families need to make informed choices about fertility, pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting.
Dr. Elliot Berlin, DC is an award-winning pregnancy-focused chiropractor and creator of Informed Pregnancy Media which includes his popular long-running The Informed Pregnancy Podcast in addition to a blog and a number of original shows featured on his streaming channel Informed Pregnancy+. Dr. Berlin’s goal is to use his passion for media and entertainment as a means of spreading information and awareness on topics that growing families need to make informed choices about fertility, pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting.
