by Sara Haley | Oct 4, 2022 | Fitness & Nutrition, Mental Health, Pregnancy
**This is a classic Informed Pregnancy article repost
“When I refer to feeling ‘sexy’ during pregnancy, what I mean is accepting and enjoying your pregnant body. Not only are you undergoing the amazing task of growing a child, but you have the opportunity to flaunt and move the most womanly assets you have – your breasts, belly, hips and butt. Instead of ignoring them or hiding them away, get off the couch and find ways to make those body parts look and feel good. Freedom to move without any inhibitions is sexy.”
Empowerment
“Empowerment” is not just a buzzword. It feeds our self-esteem, our confidence, and our identities. I think that’s why motherhood changes so many of us for the better. While parenting always has its challenges, it can also make us feel strong, feminine and joyful, all at the same time.
Another thing that has always given me a feeling of empowerment is exercise. I would never say that exercise is equally empowering as bringing new life into the world, but working out does fulfill my desire to feel strong, sexy and happy.
Before you roll your eyes and turn the page, let me define what I mean by exercise. I’m not insinuating grueling hours at the gym (unless that’s your thing, in which case, go for it!) For me, exercise means waking my body up, keeping my muscles alive and enjoying the ability to move.
I’m a pre and postnatal exercise specialist and as I write this, I’m 35 weeks pregnant with my second child. I’ve always preached that every pregnancy is different, and now I know that for sure. With my son, I had no pain, no bothersome symptoms, and was still doing jumping jacks on the day he was due (He made his debut ten days later.) This pregnancy has been a different ride in many ways, and no, I don’t think that necessarily means I’m having a girl. I just think I’m three years older and my body is coming from a different place, or perhaps this baby simply has his or her own unique needs, just like all of us! Despite the differences in my pregnancies, one need has not changed for me; I’m still determined to keep my body fit and healthy so that I can have the best possible pregnancy, labor and birth, as well as an easier postnatal recovery.
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When I created a DVD fitness program for pregnant women, I had three main goals in mind. The first was to include exercises that allowed expectant moms to feel and be strong. Secondly, I wanted to inspire and motivate pregnant women with movements that made them feel womanly and sexy. Finally, I wanted to create fun routines so moms-to-be would smile, laugh and enjoy their workouts. I believe the combination of these three powerful elements – strong, sexy and fun – is the perfect recipe for an empowered workout, body, and life.
FEEL STRONG
A strong body and mind are essential for a successful labor. I’m sure all expectant mothers would love to feel the strongest and healthiest they’ve ever been when they go into labor. Lunging to keep your legs and butt strong, stretching your back and chest to release tension and stay limber, and elongating your limbs to work your balance and core are some of the best ways to keep your body safe and strong through your pregnancy.
FEEL SEXY
When I refer to feeling ‘sexy’ during pregnancy, what I mean is accepting and enjoying your pregnant body. Not only are you undergoing the amazing task of growing a child, but you have the opportunity to flaunt and move the most womanly assets you have – your breasts, belly, hips and butt. Instead of ignoring them or hiding them away, get off the couch and find ways to make those body parts look and feel good. Freedom to move without any inhibitions is sexy. Why not put on your favorite maternity dress and go for a walk outdoors somewhere that you love? Feel the sand or the soft grass between your toes, enjoy the breeze blowing through your hair, and hold your baby bump close. Be proud of your amazing body!
HAVE FUN
As you progress through your pregnancy, movements that once seemed fun and enjoyable may start to feel awkward and uncomfortable. Rather than getting frustrated, I’ve found the best way to handle this challenge is to work on changing your state of mind. Working out during pregnancy should not be about burning calories, looking a certain way, or sweating your butt off. Instead, focus on just moving your body each day and finding ways to stay active and have fun.
If traditional workouts aren’t for you, just do something active that makes you smile – head to the beach, run and play with your older children or the family dog, hold hands with your spouse or partner, and enjoy being fully present in the moment. After all, no matter how many children you already have, a new arrival changes everything!
I wish you a healthy and fit pregnancy and a joyful introduction (or re-introduction!) into motherhood.
Check out this episode of the Informed Pregnancy Podcast featuring Sara Haley!
Sara Haley is a fitness expert who specializes in pre- and postnatal exercise. Drawing on more than twenty years of fitness and dance training, Sara has developed her own brand of fitness DVDs, The Daily Sweat®, which includes her award-winning prenatal workout program, Expecting More®. Follow @SaraHaleyFit on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.
by Julie Thomas | Sep 14, 2022 | Family and Relationships, Mental Health
*This is a sponsored post.
“As much as I wanted to hide out forever, I responded to a tug in my heart and attended a women’s event at my church. Sitting in a room of 400 women, I still felt alone and unable to fully embrace the positive atmosphere or laughter of others. Yet, it was a first step outside of my darkness that ultimately led to another step, and another.”
With the birth of my second son came a new version of myself that I didn’t expect or recognize. I developed a deep sadness, heaviness and confusion that I couldn’t seem to shake off. What began as postpartum depression grew with intensity and dragged on for six years.
I never expected to suffer in this way. I wanted to be a good mom and I wanted to be happy. I was living in a nightmare that I couldn’t wake up from. I tried to hide as much as I could, avoiding eye contact with people, creating social boundaries and closing every drape in the house. The burden of my depression stole my joy, purpose and hope for the future. Darkness took over my life.
Postpartum depression is one of the worst-kept secrets. For most new mothers, the first several days after having a baby is an emotional roller coaster ride. Moments of happiness and bliss are abruptly interrupted by a hormonal, exhausted plunge into depressive symptoms like crying, anger and anxiety. Often referred to as “baby blues,” these emotions can emerge within the first two to five days after delivery, and for most women, go away as quickly as they came.
Except sometimes they don’t go away. For some women like myself, the depression continues for months and becomes so overwhelming, you’re only a shadow of the person you were before. It’s lonely and frightening.
The darkness in my life began to dissipate when I realized I had to fight for myself. That’s not easy for most women to do, because we naturally put our kids’ needs above our own. But I was desperate. I couldn’t live this way anymore. Although my journey to complete healing wasn’t quick or simple, I took a few brave steps in the right direction that ultimately served as a meaningful starting point.
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I sought community
As much as I wanted to hide out forever, I responded to a tug in my heart and attended a women’s event at my church. Sitting in a room of 400 women, I still felt alone and unable to fully embrace the positive atmosphere or laughter of others. Yet, it was a first step outside of my darkness that ultimately led to another step, and another.
Humans are relational beings and crave connection with others. Pursuing positive social interactions and emotional support may help to reduce the overwhelming feelings of depression.
I talked about it
Although I was very reluctant at first, sharing my experience with others helped me feel less alone. Many women with postpartum depression are ashamed of their symptoms and the social stigma associated with the diagnosis. Maybe it’s because we think we should be stronger than this, or we’re bad moms for feeling anything other than pure joy about motherhood. Postpartum depression affects around 1 in 7 women, yet 1 in 5 women keep quiet about their symptoms. Not only can talking about it provide a much-needed release and diminish feelings of shame, but I discovered that I wasn’t alone. Many other people in my life had experienced or were currently experiencing some form of depression too.
I let the light back into my life
As I began to connect with others and share my story, a new light in my life began to take over the darkness. I felt a renewed sense of purpose in encouraging others that they weren’t alone. I discovered that I could – and would – make it through this. Naturally, life still throws tough stuff at me occasionally, but when I feel that familiar twinge of depression trying to come at me again, I’m prepared to seek support, be open and honest about it and remember that I’m not alone.
Fellow moms, distinguishing the “baby blues” from more serious conditions such as postpartum depression and postpartum psychosis can be difficult, but recognizing the signs early is important. You don’t have to pretend you’re okay or live in shame. Consult a healthcare provider to discuss treatment options that may include peer support, clinical counseling or antidepressant medications. You’re not alone, and you’re worth fighting for.
Let a psychologist help you minimize the chances of perinatal mood disorders before baby arrives!
Julie Thomas is a wife, mother of two, life coach and author. After the birth of her second son, Thomas battled a severe case of postpartum depression. With the release of her novel, HOPE Inside Out, and her willingness to be open and transparent, Thomas was able to find healing for herself and help others do the same. Thomas was recently featured in I Am Second’s series of short films, sharing her raw and emotional journey from depression to healing.
by Dr. Alyssa Berlin | Sep 6, 2022 | Family and Relationships, Mental Health
**This is a repost of a classic Informed Pregnancy Project article.
“I find that moms in particular often view caring for themselves as a shameful experience; as if they should be above needing time for themselves. Just yesterday, I had a friend ask me what I was doing this morning and when I mentioned that my husband took the kids out so I could have some quiet time, her reply was, “What…really? You need that too?”
I want to share some principles for happy parents and effective parenting. But before I do, I want you to know that I am a firm believer that your ability to care for others, be it a partner or a child, stems from nurturing yourself. If you are completely depleted then you have nothing to give to others.
I find that moms in particular often view caring for themselves as a shameful experience; as if they should be above needing time for themselves. Just yesterday, I had a friend ask me what I was doing this morning and when I mentioned that my husband took the kids out so I could have some quiet time, her reply was, “What…really? You need that too?” The answer is yes, without exception we all need to charge our batteries from time to time, and right here and now I am giving you permission to take care of yourself. Your partner and kids will thank you.
Now that we got that covered, here are my 5 Key Principles for Happy Parents and Effective Parenting:
- There is no such thing as too much love and affection (emotional and/or physical), so bring it on! Affection is the basis for developing an emotional connection with your children. The numbers to live by are 4:1. You want to aim to have a minimum of 4 positive moments of emotional connectedness for every 1 negative interaction you have with your child. Because physical affection is so important to your children’s development, you want to strive for 2 moments of daily physical connection. Keep in mind that there are more natural opportunities for physical closeness when they are young, as they will likely come to you and seek out that hug or snuggle. But as your kids get older, you may have to find more creative ways to connect. We always want to be sensitive to how/when our kids want to be affectionate, so those days of kissing your child goodbye in the carpool line may disappear, to be replaced with a “high five” or my personal favorite, “mommy, bump it.”
- Firmness and consistency wins the race. There are tons of wonderful approaches to parenting out there, all taking a slightly different slant on the topic. No matter the approach that you pick, it’s the firmness and consistency with which you implement that method that will likely determine your success. I caution you to not project your feelings on to your kids. Unlike adults who may feel put upon by structure, it actually helps kids to thrive by developing an environment of safety and stability. When you give in to your child’s demands, you are sending a message that your own rules aren’t really important. That being said, make sure the rules you establish are there for a reason, and be open to tweaking and amending them when necessary. With a consistent and predictable environment, you will notice increased rule compliance (but yes, kids will still test limits). Your words will take on greater meaning, and you will be taking an important step toward minimizing tantrums.
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- Equal does not mean fair. This is a very challenging concept for kids to digest, and is sometimes challenging for parents to wrap their heads around the concept as well. Many parents believe that if “I buy X for one kid, isn’t it only fair to buy X for all my kids?” Let’s think about this concept slightly differently. If a child needed eye drops because of an eye infection, are you going to line up the rest of your kids and give them eye drops as well? Of course not. So equal and fair are not synonymous. Rather, a common saying in our household is “everyone gets what they need.”
- Sound byte your way to effective parenting. No one likes a lecture. Especially kids and especially if whatever lesson or nugget of wisdom you might want to impart is likely pointed or focused on something your child did wrong. Instead, try to model the public service announcement approach, and at quiet, uneventful times offer a sound byte of something you want to instill in them. For example, “It’s important to brush your teeth twice a day” or “Equal does not mean fair.” Let’s be honest: we all listen better when we feel like the lesson is not aimed at showcasing our flaws. So think of a rule or principle that is important to you and find ways to nonchalantly pepper that concept into your daily interactions with your kids. (This may work for partners also!)
- Don’t parent to public opinion. Interactions with our kids typically feel more stressful and anxiety provoking when there is an audience around to witness the moment. However, it is imperative that we give our children consistent messages regarding what is or is not acceptable and not alter parenting practices because of that watchful eye. Chances are that any seemingly disapproving onlooker is probably just identifying with us, because they have been in our shoes. If we imagine them trying to subliminally offer support instead of judgment, it will remove the intensity from the moment, freeing us up to address the problematic behavior at hand.
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Dr. Alyssa Berlin is a clinical psychologist specializing in pregnancy, postpartum, and parenting. She offers private counseling for women individually and with their partners. Dr. Berlin is the creator of The AfterBirth Plan™, a program that prepares couples for what to expect after a baby is born. The workshop teaches couples how to prepare for a healthy postpartum transition for the baby, for each partner, and for the evolving relationship. She combines her psychological background and her doula training to help women and their partners feel empowered and comfortable in the labor and delivery process, both on a physical and emotional level. Dr. Berlin has specific expertise addressing fear and anxiety that may arise before, during, or after birth.
Dr. Berlin is on the Board of Advisors for the International Cesarean Awareness Network (ICAN) and is a faculty member of Maternal Mental Health NOW Training Institute. She conducts live pregnancy and parenting workshops throughout Southern California and online. You can read Dr. Alyssa’s blogs on the Huffington Post where she contributes to PBS’s ‘This Emotional Life” project. Dr. Berlin received her doctorate degree at Argosy University in Atlanta, GA and went on to become a certified Gottman educator. She is a member of the American Psychological Association. She and her husband, prenatal chiropractor Dr. Elliot Berlin, live in Los Angeles and are the proud parents of four amazing children
